We have received another question from our audience and our team will try to give some tips around the topic. The question is the following:
My wife doesn’t want sex and we have been off intimacy for more than 4 years now. Every approach I do is answered with reject and even though she says she still loves me she also says she doesn’t feel like have sex. I would like you guys to write if you have experiences of other man in sexless marriage and how they overcome it.
Name: Roy
Age: 35
Based in: Hawaii (US)
Hey there Roy, thanks for your message. I am Beste Guneysu, certified psychologist, and I will try to answer to your question and give you some tips about how to deal with the situation.
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Man on a sexless marriage: tips from a professional psychologist
Sexless marriages emerges as an important problem in the marriage and relationship dynamics of our age. Sexual intercourse is an important expression of emotional and physical intimacy for couples and plays a critical role in maintaining a healthy and balanced marriage.
However, staying away from sexual intercourse for various reasons can create serious difficulties in relationships. In this article, we will discuss the psychological dimensions of sexless marriages and try to suggest solutions to overcome this situation.
Psychological dynamics of sexless marriages
Sexless marriage can be defined as marriages in which the couple rarely or never engages in sexual intercourse.
To make things easy for this article we will create an imaginary couple, David and Leila, who are mostly in a sexless relationship.
Various psychological and physical reasons may underlie this situation.
1. Stress and anxiety
Stress and anxiety brought about by daily life can lead to sexual reluctance, and like we saw in another question we received this can lead to performance anxiety.
David, who has a busy work schedule at work, feels tired and stressed when he comes home. His wife, Leila, is equally tired with taking care of the children and housework. This can lead to both parties not having the energy to engage in sexual intercourse.
2. Physical health problems
Physical health problems such as hormonal imbalances, chronic diseases, pain or fatigue can also cause decreased sexual desire. For example, a partner with a thyroid problem may experience sexual reluctance.
3. Relationship problems
The weakening of the emotional bond between couples, lack of communication and trust issues can contribute to the decrease in sexual intercourse. If communication problems have arisen between David and Leila over time and are not resolved, their emotional bond may weaken, which may affect sexual intimacy.
4. Sexual traumas
Past sexual traumas may cause individuals to avoid sexual intercourse. Leila may be afraid of sexual intercourse due to a sexual harassment incident she experienced in the past. Such traumas require therapeutic interventions.
Solutions to a sexless marriage
Overcoming a sexless marriage requires patience, understanding and cooperation between couples.
Some tips I would give you about it are the following.
1. Open and honest communication
Couples should openly share their feelings and thoughts about sexual intercourse. David and Leila must clearly express their feelings and expectations regarding sexuality to each other. This is a critical step in rebuilding emotional intimacy.
During the process it is very important to avoid being judgmental and show empathy in communication. David must show empathy and listen without judgment to understand why Leila is not engaging in sexual intercourse.
2. Getting professional help
A sexual therapist or marriage counselor can help couples understand their problems and find solutions. By consulting a sexual therapist, couples can discover the root of their problems and receive guidance to rediscover their sexual desires.
If communicating your sexual needs and desires doesn’t lead to a viable solution, seeking professional counseling can help you work through the difficulties.
3. Stress management and sharing more time together
Considering the effect of stress on sexual reluctance, stress management techniques should be learned and applied. David can reduce his stress with regular exercise and activities like yoga or meditation. Leila, on the other hand, can cope with stress by exercising regularly and avoiding too much phone time.
In my experience, couples who still like each other and want to be together can reduce stress and strengthen their bond by spending time together and finding common hobbies. Think of activities you can do together to strengthen your relationship.
4. Physical health checks
Sexual reluctance can sometimes be caused by underlying physical health problems. Conditions such as hormonal imbalances can be corrected with medical interventions.
5. Sexual education and information
Couples should obtain information on sexuality and sexual health and share this information.
Couples can increase sexual intimacy by talking openly about sexual desires and fantasies. For example; watching porn together and talking about what you like in what you see can help with desire each other. It should be emphasized that enjoying sexuality is a natural and healthy part of being human.
Another approach to sex & relationships: taoist sex
Taoist sex views sexuality not only as a physical act, but also as a spiritual connection and exchange of energy. This approach allows couples to experience sexuality more consciously and deeply. One of the basic principles of Taoist sex is the conservation and redirection of sexual energy, which can help increase sexual satisfaction without reducing the frequency of sexual intercourse. In sexless marriages, Taoist sex practice can enable couples to establish a deeper emotional and energetic connection with each other, rediscovering sexuality in a more meaningful and satisfying way. This can help revitalize sexual desire and increase physical intimacy between couples.
