Is my Penis too Small? – Ask us

Hello team!

I have a big problem (no pun intended). I’m wondering if my penis is too small? I’m not going to give you the size, I’m too ashamed to even write it down. Let’s just say every woman I have ever been with has been disappointed when she has seen it. This reaction has led me to think that my penis is too small.

I feel like this problem is impossible to deal with. I can’t change who I am and I sure as hell didn’t choose to be like this.

There are operations and exercises and pills that claim they can make a difference. But I have a feeling those are more mumbo jumbo than science. I have already tried a couple of things to make my penis bigger and none of them have made any difference.

Sometimes I feel like I will never be able to satisfy a woman.

This makes me uncomfortable around women and I have a hard time meeting someone.

Peder,

Our expert answers about “Is my Penis Too Small?”

Hi Peder!

It’s Federico, let me put some information around your question, becasue it is very important that we can talk about this issue that probably prevents many men from enjoying a full and pleasurable sexual life.

First of all, we need to be clear about the concept of “mental schema” to refer to the idea about something that we have made in our head. For example, many people may have a distorted “body schema” and see themselves as fatter or thinner than they really are.

Less well known but just as important is the “sexual self-schema,” which is the cognitive view we have of our own sexuality. This self-concept is constructed from one’s experiences and beliefs, and manifests itself in thoughts, feelings, values and behaviors.

The more positive our sexual schema is, the more desire, approach and receptivity we will have towards erotic activity.

We will also have more resources to face crisis or frustration situations.

A Lot of Men Think Their Penis is Too Small

Generally speaking, erection and penis size, as well as the duration of sexual intercourse are overrated, due to what mainstreaming porn sells us, to coitus-centered mandates, or to what the market imposes on us. Thus, porn will show you a skewed view of reality. Kind of the same way you would have a skewed view of what humans look like if you watch Hollywood movies and think everyone looks like the main actors you see there. The world is not exactly like that.

Say for example that I would ask you to go to a sauna and very discreetly check out the real size of different men’s penises. The risk is that you would still mainly see the bigger or much bigger penises than yours. Thus confirming the script that you already have going in your head.

Let’s remember that the presence of an erection is not necessary to sustain sexual intercourse, that intercourse can be pleasurably developed without penetration, that erection is nothing more than a reflex and that the real most important sexual organ is between our ears (our brain) and not between our legs.

Be Critical Towards Your Interpretation

Alongside the same principle, I simply don’t think it’s true that every woman you have ever been with has been disappointed. Exactly how has this “disappointment” been displayed to you?

In this regard, I would like you to take some time to review the sexual encounters you have had and try to see them from another perspective. Is it possible that the disappointment of those women you speak of is your interpretation of the situation, exactly how that “disappointment” has been shown to you?

Take some time and go over the encounters and see if you can view them in a different light. Be critical of your own memory. Do some reading regarding confirmation bias. Confirmation bias is the mechanism in the human psyche that makes us see what we expect to see, not what’s really going on.

Is it possible that those women’s disappointment might be your interpretation of the situation? Since you are already self-conscious about your penis size, you assume that’s what’s going on, when in fact there can be a lot of different things.

If I believe that “I am not very sexual”, that “I am bad in bed”, that “I am a failure”, that “nobody will like me”, I will feel bad, my self-esteem will go down and that will give me less tools to solve sexual difficulties. In addition, I will generate a self-fulfilling prophecy where I will interpret everything that happens according to that belief that I have in my head. Therefore I can assure you two things. Your penis is not as small as you think. And I don’t think it’s true that every woman you’ve ever been with has been disappointed with you sexually.

Most Women Don’t Care About the Size of the Penis

If you in the past have come across a woman who has tried to make you feel bad about your penis size, it says more about her and her insecurities.

The right woman will be absolutely thrilled and excited to be in bed with you and she will be happy and satisfied with you exactly as you are. Generally speaking, women are very understanding. We love men, we love them despite their insecurities, and we love to prove them wrong.

A lot of women claim that men with smaller penises are in fact better lovers. I can’t attest to if this is true or not. But what I do know for sure is that your sentiment about never being able to satisfy a woman is completely wrong.

Female Satisfaction Is not Dependent on Penis Size

Great sex is not limited to penis size; great sex is not even limited to penetrative sex. The fact is that most women don’t even orgasm from penetration. They come from stimulation of the clitoris which is located outside of the vagina.

If you in the past have come across a woman who has tried to make you feel bad about your penis size, it says more about her and her insecurities. I know for a fact that your opinion that you can never satisfy a woman is completely wrong.

Thus whether you are able to satisfy a woman or not, actually has more to do with what you do outside of the vagina than inside. And if you want to be able to satisfy a woman, you should become an expert at stimulating her clitoris instead of focusing on your penis size.

Therefore, the obsession with the size of the penis to obtain pleasure is more psychological than physical and has no functional or pleasurable basis, but only aesthetic and stereotypical.

On the other hand, we must not forget that the pleasure of people with vulva is related to the contact with the clitoris, the outer area of the vulva and the entrance of the vagina. Therefore, if you are able to satisfy your sexual partners, it actually has more to do with what you do outside the vagina than inside.

The theory regarding men with smaller penises being better lovers is that a man with a big penis might rely too much on his penis to satisfy a woman. Or rather his idea that his big penis will hit all her right spots. Thus he doesn’t work so hard on all the other aspects of sex. When in fact it’s those aspects that make sex truly great and wonderful, not the size of your penis.

How to Have Great Sex Regardless of Size

Sex is much more than intercourse. Passion and emotional talk are important, and so is the ability to accompany your sexual partners.

In fact, from a medical point of view, in the vulva has the most nerve endings are located near the opening of the vagina. Such stimulation is what arouses the most pleasurable sensations and triggers the orgasmic response. Therefore, it is not necessary to have a large penis to stimulate this area, which is the first vaginal area.

But the bottom line is that the size of your penis does not define how good a lover you are. And if you want to improve your ability to give pleasure to a person with vulva you are in the right place. Keep reading this blog and don’t forget to practice.

But the bottom line is that the size of your penis does not define how good of a lover you are. And if you want to improve your ability to satisfy a woman you are in the right place. Just keep reading this blog and don’t forget to practice. If you want to arrive at mastery quicker, The Master Key is the right choice for you.

Additional Tips if you Feel your Penis is too Small

Here are some other tips for what to do when you feel your penis is too small.

• Exercise and try to stay healthy, as excessive body fat hides part of the penis. Exercise will also boost your self-confidence.
• If you do in fact feel that your penis is small, there are things you can do to increase the sensation for both you and your sexual partners.
  • The best positions in this situation are doggy style, vulva on top, and reverse cowgirl. If you do the missionary position, you can put a pillow under the woman’s hips, so you can go deeper. You can also try putting her legs over your shoulders.
  • Just play around and find things that you both like, and always remember that connection and execution are more important than size.
• Another thing to keep in mind is that vaginas also come in different sizes. And don’t hesitate to use lubricants, as they often enhance sensation.
• Exploring and enjoying the sensory is necessary. Play with Textures, aromas, sounds, lights. If you want a totally different perspective on what sex can be, I also highly recommend you take a look at Tantra sex.

Help Through Therapy

We all run into things in our life we have absolutely no control over. The things we do have control over is our reaction to what life brings us. A fruitful way to get better at controlling your reactions and making them work in your favor is to talk to a good therapist.

In this case, your reaction to a situation you can’t control affects your life negatively, since you are insecure about women. This is exactly the case when therapy can make a big difference.

Regarding Penis Enlargement

As of this date, there are no penis enlargement products that have been widely approved and accepted. And I’m sure many medical researchers have done their most to find a solution to this “male insecurity”.

I did find an article about a billionaire that died during a penis enlargement operation, and I thought it was telling and a bit tragic, that at 65 years old he still hadn’t come to terms with the size of his penis.

Penis Size as A Cultural Ideal

I also want to mention that the imagined perks of having a big penis are a cultural ideal. Have you ever seen an ancient Greek or Roman statue and wondered why they all have such small penises?

In ancient Greece, they held a different cultural view than the one we have today. At that place and time, it was desirable with a small penis. A man with a small penis was regarded as having elegance and self-control as well as virility and masculinity. A big penis on the other hand was associated with foolishness, lust, and a lack of self-control.

Other scholars have also pointed out that the penises on those statues are not small, albeit on the smaller side, but an accurate description of what most flaccid penises look like.

To Talk or Not to Talk

Some men with small penises prefer to tell the women in advance. This tactic can work. Openness and conversation are always good approaches when it comes to sex. But if you do choose to talk about the situation beforehand, you are also framing your size like it is indeed a problem, which in fact it might not be.

If talking about it beforehand makes you feel more comfortable, go ahead and do it. However, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, you have absolutely no obligation to bring it up. Women know that the shape and size of men’s penises vary. We are prepared for this when we sleep with someone new. 

Help Through Therapy

We all run into things in our life we have absolutely no control over. The things we do have control over is our reaction to what life brings us. A fruitful way to get better at controlling your reactions and making them work in your favor is to talk to a good therapist.

In this case, your reaction to a situation you can’t control affects your life negatively, since you are insecure about women. This is exactly the case when therapy can make a big difference.

To Talk or Not to Talk?

Some men with small penises prefer to tell their sexual partners in advance. This tactic can work. Openness and conversation are always good approaches when it comes to sex. But if you do choose to talk about the situation beforehand, you are also framing your size like it is indeed a problem, when it really shouldn’t be.

If talking about it beforehand makes you feel more comfortable, go ahead and do it. However, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, you have absolutely no obligation to bring it up.

Enjoy a full, pleasurable and healthy sex life!

Greetings!

Federico Bordón

How to Become Amazing in Bed

Want to know the secret of becoming amazing in bed, to give your woman the best sex she’s had in her whole life?

I’m Joe Nathan, the creator of The Pleasure Keys. Way before I started the website, I learned that sex is a skill, and just like any other skill, it can be improved to perfection.

To learn how to give your woman amazing experiences and how to fuck her like she’s never been fucked before, I recommend my ultimate guide to become an amazing lover.

Best of luck
, Joe