Ask Federico – Girlfriend Wants Anal Sex

Hi Team!

I have a bit of an unusual question. My girlfriend has said that she is interested in trying anal sex. I have the feeling she has previous knowledge. I myself have never tried it and I do feel a bit insecure and hesitant about this particular act.

What is the thing I need to know to be able to give her, and myself, a nice experience?

Best regards

The anal novice.

My Answer to Girlfriend Wants Anal

Hi, anal novice.

It’s often a common question. In fact you might be surprised to learn that there are many people who are curious about experimenting with anal pleasure.

The first thing you should know is that in sex you should not do anything out of obligation. Just because you are male does not necessarily mean that you should explore everything in sex or know everything about all sexual practices. Anyway, from the sound of your question, you seem open to trying.

Let’s find out everything there is to know about anal sex, and I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. Anal sex might seem intimidating, but it’s not complicated. In fact, it’s instead natural. All the people who practice it have been learning with the practice since no one is born knowing about sex.

Why we like anal sex

People like anal sex for all sorts of reasons. For example, anal sex feels naughty and forbidden. Here is a good article about what different women think and feel regarding anal.

Some people like it because it gives them a different feeling of tightness and pressure on the penis or fingers. Some people like to be anally penetrated because we as humans have a lot of sensitive nerve-endings around and inside that area. Also, there are those who enjoy anal sex by watching their sexual partner enjoy it.

The fact that your girlfriend wants anal sex is a fun opportunity to explore something new together as a couple.And while it does not seem to be your case, there are people who do not like anal sex and it is also respectable. For those who have a girlfriend who does not want to practice anal sex, I remind you of this article.

Let’s talk about anal sex

Ask her About her Interests in Anal Sex. Talking about sex is an important component of having amazing sex. A conversation is the best way to find out what your girlfriend wants and likes.

Prepare by having an open conversation. Since your girlfriend brought up the subject and has told you that she wants anal, she is confident in talking about anal sex. That’s a good start.

Before you dive in, so to speak, it’s a good idea to find out more about her relationship with anal sex. You will be more prepared to deliver the right experience, the more you know.

You will need to ask specifically about anal sex and her interest in trying it with you. Also, ask what kind of expectations she has and if she has any preferences when it comes to the act itself.

You may be interested to know if she has had previous experiences and how she has felt, to try to have a better experience for both of you.

Cleanliness and Anal Sex

Many people feel that anal sex might not be totally fresh and sanitary and therefore they are hesitant to try it.

If that is you, there is no need to worry, since that part of the rectal passage is clean most of the time. Poop only travels there when it’s time to go to the bathroom. Therefore, I recommend that before practicing anal sex, defecate a few hours before to empty the rectal canal.

Most people also take a shower or bath beforehand.

Another alternative is to use a condom. Discuss with your girlfriend and find out a solution both of you are comfortable with. But you should know that anal sex may involve fecal matter. Talking about this beforehand will allow you to have a more relaxed sexual encounter.

Pre-anal sex practices I do not recommend

The anal douche. This tool is used to clean the anal canal with water. I do not recommend this practice as a regular thing, as it modifies the microorganisms that are normally in the area, can cause constipation, act as a gateway for sexually transmitted infections, and generate dependence.

Another practice I discourage is shaving the skin around the anus. It can generate small lesions that may favor the entry of some infections, or cause pain.

Warm up the Area: foreplay

Anal sex, just like any other sex, becomes better after a big dose of foreplay.

Kiss, cuddle, tease, and engage in oral sex. In other words, do everything you usually do and take your time. There is no need to rush. 

The more excited your girlfriend is, the better the anal sex will be. The hornier she is the easier it will be to slowly push yourself inside without discomfort or pain.

Foreplay for anal sex also includes warming up the area around and inside the rectal passage.

The sphincter muscle is what keeps the anal “closed.” This muscle can slowly be opened and expanded by first using a finger and then a couple of fingers or a toy. Slow dilation of this sphincter is essential.

This area is, as mentioned before, rich in nerve endings and that’s why stimulation feels so good and exciting.

When you warm up the area, start with shallow penetration before you go deeper.

Use a Toy

If you are not comfortable using your fingers, there is no need to worry because this area responds very well to all sorts of toys. Nowadays there are more anal toys than there are snowflakes in a winter storm.

Check out this website’s guide to beginner prostate massagers, there are even jeweled butt plugs if you want something a bit fancier.

Anal stimulation is nice and exciting so do treat your girlfriend to her own anal toy. If she is interested in anal sex, this is a great gift idea.

Start with a small toy and work your way up to bigger toys.

It is very important to use toys designed for the anus, with a stopper at the base. In addition, always using a condom will allow a better cleaning of the toys and sharing them by changing the condom.

Anal Sex Should Feel Good

The most important thing to remember when you deliver anal sex is that anal sex should not feel painful.

A bit of resistance is natural when you try to push yourself inside, but if your girlfriend feels too uncomfortable, you should backtrack and do more warming up and massaging of the area.

The reason why anal sex can feel unpleasant is that the muscles around the area are tense. To deal with this tension, different toys help to relax the muscles. Additionally, a calm and prepared environment for the occasion can help them enjoy the moment.

Take Things Slow and Apply Lots of Lube

There is lubes especially targeted for anal play, I recommend using one of them since they last longer. This area is not self-lubricating, so keep applying more lube if the feeling is too dry. This will prevent injuries and condom breakage in case they use it.

I do not recommend using lubricants with local anesthetics since, as we have seen, pain is a warning sign to be taken into account. I also do not recommend oily lubricants that damage the condom, always use water-based lubricants.

Push yourself inside slowly, starting with the head of your penis. Keep your thrusting slow and gentle and you should be able to go all the way.

There is no hurry. It is extremely important to emphasize that the penetrated person is the one who must set the pace.

Best Positions for Anal Sex

To start having anal sex in a mild and comfortable way I recommend the spoon position. Both of you are comfortable and relaxed and the penetration can happen very slowly.

If your girlfriend wants to be in full control, you can try the lap dance position. You sit on the edge of the bed or on a chair and your girl can slowly lower herself onto your penis.

Another favorite anal sex position is doggy style, since it’s easy for the man to put the right amount of pressure in that position.

Anyway, there is no one position that works the same for everyone, so I suggest you experiment with a couple of different positions to find out what feels right for you.

Combine Anal Sex with All the Bells and Whistles

Just because you are focusing on going in the backdoor doesn’t mean you should forget about everything else that makes sex such a great experience.

Depending on the position you can still kiss your girlfriend, and look her in the eyes. If you are penetrating from behind, you can kiss her neck. You can also stimulate her clitoris if she wishes. Make sure you are emotionally connected during the act, that will positively enhance all the sensations.

If your girlfriend likes it, anal sex is great to combine with talking dirty.

Anal Sex can be Romantic

Most people associate anal sex with pornography. While anal sex can be naughty and rough, it can be performed as a very intimate and romantic act.

It’s an experience both women and men can feel is fulfilling, stimulating, and highly erotic.

You can explore other sensations with pleasant music, lighted candles, scents, the lingerie you like the most, and even complement with a massage session.

Talk After Having Anal Sex

After having a new and unusual sexual experience, it’s always good to have a post-talk. This way you increase the trust and intimacy in your relationship.

You are also building the sort of communication that opens up the possibility to explore different other types of sex together with your girlfriend. This is the type of communication that also will make the sex increasingly enjoyable.

Ask your girlfriend what she liked about the experience, what she would like more of, and if there was anything she would change for a next encounter. It is very important that you share how you experienced anal sex.

In Conclusion

Go out and practice what you learned. If both of you are open to it, anal sex can be erotic and naughty in the best possible way.

Without a doubt, trying anal sex will increase the trust and intimacy in your relationship.

If you want to know even more specific techniques for introducing anal sex, Joe Nathan has a great guide and lots of tips in The Master Key.

Federico

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I’m Joe Nathan, the creator of The Pleasure Keys. Way before I started the website, I learned that sex is a skill, and just like any other skill, it can be improved to perfection.

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Best of luck
, Joe