My wife doesn’t want to play with chastity devices

Hey there!

Read through the article on chastity devices. Love the content! I’ve been into chastity for a few years. Married guy but wife is not interested in play. So I’ve been self locking.

Any thoughts, ideas, etc on how to stay self locked and not give into urges? I know lock boxes exists. I’ve frozen the keys which works. I’m not exploring a Domme but perhaps simply a keyholder if such a thing exists. I appreciate any insight you have. Thanks man!

My reply to “my wife doesn´t want to play with chastity devices”

Hello my friend, I’m Federico, sexologist at ThePleasureKeys. Thank you for opening your world to us. I’m sure it’s not easy to talk about these issues with other people. I will try to advise you so that you can enjoy the experience of chastity alone.

While, from what you tell me, you have already discussed the issue with your wife I would like to stress the importance of communication and consent in any relationship, especially in the context of male chastity. It is critical that both partners have open and honest communication to ensure that everyone’s needs and desires are met. Consent, on the other hand, is essential to ensure that all activities are safe, sensible and consensual.

Don’t be discouraged! Even without having a partner to accompany us in our desire, chastity is still an option!

Well, I’m not going to lie to you: it’s a tough one. While regular chastity involves a lot of submission and exploration, solo chastity is a journey of discipline and self-control.

Communication and consent

In the context of male chastity, both partners should be able to express themselves freely and openly, without fear of judgment or rejection. This means being able to discuss desires, expectations and boundaries, as well as any concerns or problems that may arise.

Communication in male chastity includes discussing the terms of the chastity agreement, expressing desires and fantasies, and discussing any concerns or problems that may arise during the chastity period. Communication may also involve discussing the logistics of chastity, such as cleanliness and hygiene, as well as the emotional and psychological aspects of the experience.

Both partners must be fully aware of what the chastity experience entails and have given their explicit consent.

Poor communication and lack of consent can have serious consequences in any relationship, but this is particularly true in the context of male chastity.

Federico Bordón

Without clear communication and explicit consent, there is a risk of misunderstanding, resentment, and even physical harm.

Ensuring that all activities are safe, sensible and consensual will allow couples to enjoy a full and satisfying chastity experience that promotes pleasure, self-discovery and intimacy.

For all this, listening to other people’s concerns and fears is strictly necessary: if someone is not comfortable with the idea, respect their decision and look for other forms of shared sexual satisfaction that everyone enjoys. As you will see, you will still be able to enjoy chastity alone.

Some recommendations for self locking in a chastity device

Once the idea of self chastity crosses your mind, the next thing you’ll start to wonder is how it can work. After all, if you put the chastity cage on yourself, then you’ll still have access to the key. So what can keep you from cheating every time you get a little horny?

There are a few different answers down here, but my favorite is simple: discipline…

Just like training to run a marathon, cook the perfect dish, or master an online game, solo chastity is a process of striving for a goal and doing everything you can to achieve it.

Yes, there will be times when you will fail and get in a quick wank. Yes, there will be days when you take it off because you don’t feel like it. And that’s totally fine. The important thing is to figure out what you want to achieve from your solo chastity experience.

Planning your solo chastity pledge

With your lofty goals in the front of your mind, the next best thing you can do is start to come up with a plan. Don’t just grab a metal chastity cage, lock yourself up, and expect everything to go perfectly.

One of the best ways to do this is to draw up a male chastity contract, just like you would if you had a Mistress. It might seem silly entering into a contract with yourself, but having it in writing means that whenever you begin to waver you can look back over it and remember why you’re doing this.

Tailor it to your own situation. Make it personal. Then stick to it! (At least as much as you can.)

Solo chastity: ideas about punishments and rewards

Having a contract with yourself isn’t going to magically make you the perfect solo chastity slave. You’re still going to need to make sure that you stick to those rules.

Just like in a normal chastity relationship, the best way to do this is with punishments and rewards.

Again though, just thinking that you’re going to punish yourself when you cheat probably isn’t going to happen. You should figure out how you plan to punish and reward yourself when you draw up your contract. That way you can’t argue with yourself!

A little spice: self-punishment

When it comes to punishments, here are some suggestions that will add spice to chastity.

Butt play

If you’re new to the world of anal pleasure, get ready to discover that the anal area can be an intensely pleasurable play zone that offers effective and satisfying teasing. While many people are more than happy to just play around the entrance, adding penetration to your sexual playlist can add even more satisfying sensations.

Life on the edge

Edging (also called surfing, peaking, teasing, and more) is the practice of stopping yourself from reaching orgasm right when you’re on the cusp—the metaphorical “edge” right before you fall off the cliff into sexual climax.

Only through practice do you learn to recognize the cues that you are close to orgasm and ejaculation.

You can remove your chastity device temporarily and use good old-fashioned wanking to do an edging session, or if you have a vibrator, you can simply touch it to your cage and do edges that way.

Balls-to-the-wall ball sex

Locking your penis in a cage is an opportunity to get more in touch with your balls. And testicle sex can help keep you all hot and bothered while practicing solo male chastity.

Fondling, caressing, tugging, twisting, stretching, or even on occasion, slapping the testicles can be pleasurable. It’s best to avoid excess if there’s a risk of injury.

Fun solo chastity ideas

Even though we’ve mostly talked about rules and punishments and all kinds of serious things, that doesn’t mean solo chastity has to be boring! There are plenty of ways to keep it fun, interesting, and most importantly, enjoyable.

• Wheel of Misfortune: Create a wheel online filled with punishments and rewards and give it a spin. Whatever it lands on you have to do.
• Make it Random: Use dice to make decisions for you. How long locked. Unlock on a double. Unlock on a seven. Add a day for odd, take one off for even. The possibilities are endless.
• Connect With Others: There are loads of resources and forums online that you can join, so if you’re ever stuck for ideas then ask for help.
• The Key Bowl: Fill a bowl with random keys, then put the key to your cock cage in and mix them all up. Each day, pick a random one out and see if it works.

But what about the keys?

Even with all this in mind, we still have the unanswered question of your keys. What’s to stop you just deciding you’ve had enough for the day and unlocking yourself?

There are a few different ways around this, and it kind of depends how far you’re willing to go to keep your cock in its cage.

First, you must accept that you are human. You aren’t a chastity machine. There’s going to be times when you slip up. Here are some suggestions to prevent this from happening easily.

The block of ice

Simply freeze the key inside and leave it in the freezer. If there’s an emergency, you’ll still be able to get it and unlock it, but it’ll take a little time.

Give the keys to your neighbor

Another option is to give your key to a neighbor or friend and just pretend it’s the key to your house. There won’t be any temptation because it’s not easily accessible, but if there’s an emergency you can just ask for it back.

Find a safe place

The most extreme option on our list is simply finding a safe place and burying your key there. Just make sure you remember where you’ve put it so that you can get it back if you need it!

Keyholding equipment

There are now many keyholding accessories that are great for solo slaves. Devices are available that can hold your key securely, then pair up with a partner and the box won’t unlock until they let it. Or use the timer mode and until it hits zero you’re out of luck.

Or put it in a safe or lockbox, lock it up and take a picture of the code (without looking). If you really need it you can find the picture, but otherwise you have no idea how to gain access to your key.

Simply just don’t use a key

A combination lock will fit in many male chastity devices designed for a padlock. Simply ask someone else to set the code and then leave it unlocked. Then when you put your cage on, close the lock and you have no idea what the code is! Just make sure the other person notes it down somewhere or you might be trapped forever…

Finally: online chastity

Online chastity can take a number of different forms. At its simplest, you can just find a keyholding service. You send your key to them, and they keep hold of it until you ask for it back.

A slightly more tempting option is to take advantage of one of the many “code holding” websites and apps. These work slightly differently, in that you don’t physically send your key to someone else. Instead you need a lockbox or safe of your own, and a combination lock. Your key will be placed inside.

Sometimes, trying to enjoy chastity on your own just isn’t the same no matter what you try. There’s still one final option if you find yourself in this situation. An online Mistress.

As any good slave should know, your Mistress is the most important person in the world. You should do everything you can to make her happy, and it’s no different online!

Federico Bordón

There are many different ways to find an online Mistress. Some will request your keys be mailed to them, others will help you lock them away safely. Some will require a contract, while others will prefer a less formal arrangement.

Take the time to find the right Mistress for you, and your online chastity adventures will be that much more enjoyable!

I wish you the best of luck in this path of self-exploration that requires an extra commitment but is not impossible to achieve. Let me know more if you do any of the suggestions I have shared with you here, I am always interested in knowing how my confidants have fared…

Federico