My Girlfriend Doesn’t Like Receiving Oral Sex – Ask OUR TEAM

Hi Team!

Really appreciate your blog. Thanks for keeping things real.

I have just started dating a new woman and I really like her. Everything is moving along great. We are exclusive and I can see a future with her. Except for one little detail. I really like to go down on my woman. I would even say that’s my favorite part of sex. And a skill that’s been highly appreciated by all my previous girlfriends.

My new girlfriend on the other hand, doesn’t seem to enjoy it. It’s like she doesn’t like receiving oral sex.

Sure, she moans a bit. But I can tell it’s not genuine. Her body is stiff, and she always seems relieved rather than horny when I come up from down there. What should I do?

Marcus

My Answer to My Girlfriend Doesn’t Like Receiving Oral Sex

Hi Marcus

Thank you for your question.

Most people enjoy receiving oral sex, whether they have a penis or a vulva. But of course, there are going to be exceptions. In your email, you didn’t mention if you have asked your girlfriend about her feelings. So I will assume you haven’t.

Ask Her

Undoubtedly, when we identify what we like sexually, sometimes that practice becomes important to us and is part of our idealized way of having sex. It seems that giving oral sex is important to you. 

In any kind of sexual practice, it is not about convincing the other person, but about proposing the subject through dialogue.

So, if you haven’t done so, start by asking him. In sex, as in life as a couple, it is very important dialogue. Only then will you be able to understand what is happening to you, what bothers you, and of course, what you enjoy. There could be many different reasons why your girlfriend doesn’t like receiving oral sex, and what you interpret as her lack of enjoyment. 

Maybe she feels insecure, for one reason or another. He may be anxious about the expectations of you that he fantasizes about. He may be concerned about the hygiene issue.

No matter the answer, you must find out more about her feelings to properly deal with the situation. 

Another issue of relevance is to be able to plan when and under what circumstances you ask your partner a question about his or her sexual preferences. Probably choosing the right moment will influence the response, the comfort to talk about it, and the predisposition to continue talking about it.

With this in mind, pick a time when the two of you are alone, and you don’t have any other plans in the near future. A good time to bring up the question could be when the two of you are out on a walk, or having a Sunday breakfast at home. Or why not during the afterglow of great sex?

The general mood should be relaxed and open. Remember, a lot of things we carry with us through life are not about the other person, it’s about us. 

Listen to her answer. Ask follow-up questions to whatever she is saying. Don’t analyze too much, and don’t try and come up with solutions. Just try and hear her out.

The next thing to do is to make sure she understands that you really enjoy giving her oral sex. Many women are unsure about whether their man likes it. Hence this could be the reason why it seems like she doesn’t like receiving oral sex

All that attention on such a private part of our body. Does it taste good? Do we look alright down there?

Also, make sure to tell her that it doesn’t matter if she gets an orgasm or not. A lot of women can feel pressure to have an orgasm when receiving oral sex, and therefore they don’t enjoy themselves.

Tell her you just enjoy the feeling of giving her oral sex, and the closeness it brings to your relationship. Tell her that giving her oral sex is a way for you to enjoy her body and show her how much you like her.

Of course, I don’t know if this actually is what you’re feeling. But make sure to be this specific and positive with the feelings you do have.

Oral sex is generally an appreciated form of having sex because there is a feeling of generosity. One person gives, and the other just receives. Our pleasure is the sole focus of the other person. It’s a very intimate and lovely way of having sex. But it also puts a lot of pressure on the one that receives. Maybe she thinks you are bored down there, or that she is taking too long time.

Make sure she knows that there is no other motive than enjoyment.

Good luck with the conversation and with your new girlfriend!

Team.

Make Her Comfortable

The next thing to do is to make sure she understands that you really enjoy giving her oral sex. Many women are unsure about whether their man likes it. Hence this could be the reason why it seems like she doesn’t like receiving oral sex

Also, make sure to tell her that it doesn’t matter if she gets an orgasm or not. A lot of women can feel pressure to have an orgasm when receiving oral sex, and therefore they don’t enjoy themselves. 

Talk about the topic of hygiene and how you have felt about it, to bring her peace of mind about this. The central idea of promoting dialogue is that it can be a tool that chases away the ghosts of each one. Where there are no words, imagination to a greater or lesser extent will be in charge of creating a parallel reality.

Tell her you just enjoy the feeling of giving her oral sex, and the closeness it brings to your relationship. Tell her that giving her oral sex is a way for you to enjoy her body and show her how much you like her. 

Of course, I don’t know if this actually is what you’re feeling. But make sure to be this specific and positive with the feelings you do have. 

Oral sex is generally an appreciated form of having sex because there is a feeling of generosity. One person gives, and the other just receives. Our pleasure is the sole focus of the other person. It’s a very intimate and lovely way of having sex. But it also puts a lot of pressure on the one that receives. Maybe she thinks you are bored down there, or that she is taking too long time. 

Make sure she knows that there is no other motive than enjoyment. 

Good luck with the conversation and with your new girlfriend!

Team

My Girlfriend Doesn’t Like Receiving Oral Sex – The Final Solution

Hi Team.

Thanks for your advice. They were highly appreciated, and I did what you suggested. I asked her about her feelings, and we had a long conversation. Turns out she simply doesn’t enjoy when I go down on her. She has never enjoyed it. Not with a single man she has ever been with. Which is weird since she enjoys everything else in terms of sex, giving me oral sex for example.  

She told me she feels like a plate of Bolognese to a hungry man. I was pretty offended. But I took your advice and played it cool.

I don’t know what to do now. Eating pussy is a skill I spent ten years perfecting. I can’t imagine all that practice going to waste. 

If I tell her this is a deal breaker, I come off like a sex-crazed idiot.

But I just can’t imagine spending the rest of my life not doing that. And I actually like to date someone I can imagine spending my life with.

Is this just a minor detail? Should I just get over myself?

Can I make her change her mind?

Best regards

Marcus

My Answer

Hi Marcus.

Thanks for taking my advice. It seems like you did a good job finding out why your girlfriend doesn’t like receiving oral sex. I also appreciate you getting back to me. It’s always interesting to know how the problem develops.

First up, I will give you a quick answer to your question, and it’s the one you were hoping to hear:

Yes. I think your girlfriend can change her mind about liking oral sex. This is one of the possibilities.

How to Make Her Change

First of all, she might just have had a couple of bad experiences and made the conclusion that she doesn’t like oral sex based on those experiences. To deal with this possible problem, you should do a lot of practicing and studying so you can try different methods and techniques while giving her oral sex. Don’t be afraid to let her guide you.

But there is also the possibility that she has received a lot of great oral sex and simply doesn’t like the feeling. Be prepared for this, so she doesn’t feel pressured to pretend she likes it. Here is a great article with a woman that describes why she doesn’t like oral sex.

Some, but not all of our likes and dislikes stem from previous experiences. It’s possible to create a new positive frame for those things. All it takes is an open mind and a bit of experimentation.

There is, however, one important condition, she must be willing to change her preference. No change is possible if our partner doesn’t want to change. This is true when it comes to sex and many other aspects of our relationships.

Approach the Problem Together

If she is willing to try and change her preference, the two of you can approach this as a common project. First you lay out a plan and make sure both of you are comfortable with the different steps. (It’s a game plan you are going to like.)

Decide how often she will receive oral sex; it should be a number you are both comfortable with. For example, once a week or once a month. Whatever suits you.

Don’t keep anything secret, you have to do this together.

After this, you together decide when she will get her weekly or monthly oral sex. Pick times when you both feel happy and relaxed. For example, give her oral sex when she’s just back home from the gym, relaxed and newly showered. Or try giving her oral after the two of you have had a deep conversation and both of you feel really connected to each other.

This way, the two of you work together to change the associations she has with receiving oral sex. Be sure to integrate your oral sex skills with other bedroom sex skills, but don’t forget about your enjoyment.

Make sure you integrate your oral sex skills with other skills in the bedroom. You can start with these sex tips and then learn more. Being great in the sex comes from a varied repertoire.

Give Her Extra Motivation

To give her extra motivation to fulfill this plan, ask her about one of your behaviors that she would want you to change. It should be something simple, like for you not to forget your socks all over the apartment. When you manage to change this behavior, both of you learn that preferences and behaviors are something that can be changed. 

However, there is a difference between changing behavior and a preference. If your little experiment doesn’t work out, remember this difference and the fact that it’s not her fault.

Our preferences and our likes and dislike are sometimes coming from deep within us. Generally, it’s not something we have control over. If she wants to make you happy, she would change her preference if she could. 

When it comes to our sexual preferences, the situation is even more complex. Because you don’t only want her to be ok with receiving oral sex, you want her to really like the sensations she gets, to truly enjoy herself. You want her to love the way you lick her pussy. In a perfect world, she would be totally horny and absolutely crazy about you giving her oral sex. 

Maybe the two of you together can take her there, maybe not.

When to Compromise

In every romantic relationship, we enter, there are bound to be things about our partner that don’t perfectly align with how we would like our dream partner to be. It is very likely that there are more misunderstandings than common ground in a relationship. It’s up to us to decide what we can live with and what are non-negotiables. 

I see a lot of people not being honest with what is important to them, not knowing themselves deep down. And from this compromise, resentment is born.

So no, I don’t think turning down this woman would make you wrong, or a sex-crazed idiot. I believe it would mean a wealth of learning and self-knowledge that you will be able to put into play in future relationships.

If you choose to compromise, don’t resent your woman for things she can’t change. If someone is not comfortable with the idea, respect their decision and look for other forms of sexual satisfaction that everyone enjoys.

I guess my answer is that in the end, it must come down to how much giving oral sex really means to you. This is something only you have the answer to. 

Best of luck to you, and let me know how it goes!

Team

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I’m Joe Nathan, the creator of The Pleasure Keys. Way before I started the website, I learned that sex is a skill, and just like any other skill, it can be improved to perfection.

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Best of luck
, Joe

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