What is rimming? How to do it and how to ask for it?

In this weeks’ post our sexologist Federico Bordón answers a question we received a few days ago about what is rimming and how to communicate if you like it.

The question is the following:

“I am straight guy but I really like to be rimmed and also eating girls ass. I would like you to talk about rimming and how I can convince girls to like it, there are very few girls who like to eat a guys ass”

Alex H, 24 YO, US

Let’s check out what is rimming and talk a bit about anal play and communication around sex.

What is rimming: the spice you are missing out on

First things first: what is rimming when we talk about sexual practices? Well, rimming is basically anal oral sex, so that is using your tongue, lips and mouth to provide pleasure on the anus of your sexual partner. This practice will surely provide pleasurable sensations to your partner or you.

There’s also the concept of “black kissing”, but I consider this more of a superficial activity than a deep anal exploration. In other words: when you do a “black kiss” you don’t plunge into your partner’s anus with your tongue, but rather it involves kissing, licking, and/or even a little sucking or nibbling in and around the anus.

Whether you feel like going all the way in and thrusting with your tongue, that’s up to you and your partner.

You can enjoy oral-anal pleasure by just stimulating your partner’s anus, or incorporate rimming while using your hands to play with your partner’s genitals at the same time for an extremely erotic experience.

Why is rimming so pleasurable?

You can enjoy oral-anal pleasure by just stimulating your partner’s anus, or incorporate rimming while using your hands to play with your partner’s genitals at the same time for an extremely erotic experience.

It’s no wonder that many people, regardless of their gender identity, like a little (or a lot) of backdoor play during sex. Some people like it because we have so many sensitive nerve endings around and inside the anal area. There are also those who enjoy watching their sexual partner enjoy themselves. Plus, it could be a fun opportunity to explore something new together as a couple, although some people don’t like rimming and that’s respectable too.

Do people really practice it?

There are no concrete figures regarding the practice of annilingus. Perhaps, this has to do with the prejudices that exist in our culture in relation to anal sex, which often makes us not feel free to express our relationship with this sexual practice. The truth is that rimming is one of the most common forms of anal stimulation without penetration.

Want to try rimming? Let’s talk about it

Talking about sex in general is not only necessary but essential to having amazing sex.

I will always insist on something very important. As with any type of sexual practice, it is not about convincing the other person, but proposing through dialogue the topic. Bilateral consent is a must. So it is best to talk about it before you start playing together. If the other person says no, it may not be the right time to insist on it.

In any case, rimming is not something that can be blurted out in the heat of the moment. Keep in mind that talking about butt-related things in particular can be taboo for some people.

How to get started with anal play

If you don’t have much experience with anal play yet, you might first try it on your own and see how it feels and if you enjoy it. This is a must, as the more you know your own body, the better you will be able to communicate to your partner what makes you feel good.

If you are new to anal practices you can start playing with butt plugs or a prostate massager for beginners.

And remember that anal stimulation, like any other sex, improves after a heavy dose of sex play.

May I suggest you start by gently rubbing around your anus with your lubricated fingers or with a sex toy soaked in lubricant designed for anal play. Stimulate around your anus and see how it feels, experimenting with pressure, speed, etc.

Also, if you use lube when exploring anal stimulation on your own, you’ll better emulate the sensation of the tongue during cunnilingus: soft, warm and wet.

Tips for a great rimming experience

Wether you already like rimming or you want to try it for the first time, I will give you some tips to fully enjoy this sexual practice:

• Correct position: comfort will allow relaxation. This is important so that the person receiving the rimming can concentrate on the pleasurable sensations. And for the one who is licking, it will prevent fatigue and focus on providing pleasure.
• Take your time: avoid the temptation to focus on the anus right away.
  • If other erogenous zones are stimulated first, everything that happens around the anus will then be felt more intensely.
  • Build anticipation and arousal by using hot breath to warm the anus; kissing and licking around the anus, thighs and cheeks.
• Adapt tongue movements: pay attention to how the recipient responds to sensations, pressure and speed of the mouth, lips and tongue.
  • Changes in breathing, moaning or writhing of the lower body are good signs.
  • You can also ask questions about how the person is feeling.
• Hands and toys: these can be incorporated to increase stimulation and pleasure.

The best positions for rimming

A comfortable and relaxed position will ensure a great deal of enjoyment. The position adopted by the person receiving the rimming should allow easy access to the anus.

• A good comfortable position can be lying on your back on a few pillows to elevate your hips, with your knees and hips fully apart and slightly raised towards your chest.
• You can also try other positions, such as the receiver on all fours with the legs slightly apart or doggy style, with him licking the anus behind.

There are numerous variations, you will have to find the position that is most comfortable for you.

Pre-rimming practices do I DO NOT recommend

The anal douche is used to clean the anal canal with water. I do not recommend anal douches as a regular thing every time you want to try anal play, as it modifies the microorganisms that are normally in the area. It can cause constipation, act as a gateway for sexually transmitted infections, and generate dependency.

If you feel that sexual practices that include the anus might not be totally hygienic and, therefore, hesitate to try it… there is no need to worry, as the rectal canal part is clean most of the time. Also, during rimming you can stimulate only the external part of the anus. Poop only travels into the rectal canal when it is time to go to the bathroom.

Therefore, I recommend before rimming, defecate a few hours before to empty the rectal canal and feel at ease. For comfort, take a shower before the sexual activity, with soap and water. If you do not have the opportunity to get in the shower just before, clean yourself with intimate wipes that are usually very practical.

Another practice that I discourage is shaving the hair and skin around the anus. It can generate small lesions that may favor the entry of some infections, cause pain, burns. So, if you decide to trim a little before the act, give your body some time to recover after the work.

What I recommend for rimming

What I strongly advise is to use a latex field over the anal region, dental dams or tongue condoms to prevent infections, unpleasant tastes. Talk to your partner and find a solution that you are both comfortable with.

My answer to our reader: my girlfriend does not want to try rimming

Thank you for your question!

Sex preferences are very particular and I can feel that rimming is undoubtedly important in your sex life. Your question allows me to talk about a taboo topic like the anus and the sexual practices associated with this area.

Although I have already made this clarification in other posts, I need to point out that the anus has no gender or sexual orientation, in fact it is the democratic erogenous zone by excellence, since all people have one. If you are a person with a penis and enjoy stimulation of your own anus, this data says absolutely nothing about your gender identity or sexual orientation.

Always, when it comes to exploring sexual scripts with other people, assertive communication from the start is crucial. Consensus and consent are central: to convey to others that the comfort, well-being and satisfaction of all parties are priorities. You should be able to talk honestly about your sexual desires and fantasies.

I strongly suggest that when you’ve had sex with someone a couple of times, you should have an informal conversation about what you like and what you don’t.

Also, ask the other person if there is something specific that they like. If it turns out that the other person also has a special preference for a specific sexual practice, then you are probably at a good point to continue the conversation. Tell him you like rimming and wait for his opinion.

On the other hand, it would be interesting for you to review your preferences so that you can better explain to your partner why rimming is important to you. Maybe this is how your partner wants to try.

Ask and talk about it

You want to rim or being rimmed? Well, then you’ll have to ask and talk specifically about rimming. You need to know what kind of expectations or preferences he has. Not least do you care to try to get both of you to enjoy a better experience: to know if she has already had other previous experiences and how she felt.

If your partner opens up to trying, it’s important that you do it in a healthy and responsible way. This makes it more likely for both of you to have a pleasant experience. Please don’t press. After all, it’s his decision, and if you try to change it, you’ll only get him angry. If someone is not comfortable with the idea, respect their decision and seek other forms of sexual satisfaction that everyone enjoys.

Conclusions

Sexual practices involving the anus require patience, preparation and relaxation. If the people involved are open to new experiences, rimming will come as another sexual practice on the list and can be a very pleasant experience, and it can even increase confidence and intimacy in the relationship.

If you want to know even more specific techniques for introducing anal sex or any other sexual practice, Joe Nathan has a great guide and lots of tips in The Master Key. You should take a look at it.

Enjoy a full and healthy sex life!

Federico,

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Best of luck
, Joe