Why Men Should Learn How to Have Sex – Ask FEDERICO

Since I didn’t get any questions this week (please send in your questions here) I wanted to take this opportunity to talk about why men should learn how to have sex.

Sex is important for all people. But for the masculinities that are generated in our culture, sex often occupies a central place.

When men hear that I am a sex therapist, they often take the opportunity to open up about how they feel regarding sex. This happens in all sorts of places, over dinner, during long plane rides, and even in the supermarket. Despite the fact that among men we do not usually talk about sex except to tell exploits and enlarge sexual stories that feed our manhood in front of other men, feeling comfortable with my profession enables them to be honest and talk openly about their sexual lives.

Men repeatedly have and with great gusto told me how strongly they feel about sex. They have also shared different reasons why sex plays such a big role in their lives. I have a better clue than most women about how men work when it comes to sex, and I love to help people.

So Why is Sex so Important for Men?

There are many reasons why sex is so important to men. It’s through sex men show love. It’s through sex men feel desired. Of course, sex is not the only way to access those feelings, but it’s one of the most important and profound ways men get in touch with this side of themselves.

Making love to their woman also gives men a sense of coming home. They relish in her pleasure, in being the one who brings her all that pleasure. Sex is the reward men look forward to after a difficult day.

But if sex was only something connected to safety and love, it wouldn’t be as big a part of men’s lives as it is.  

Because sex is also the flip side of the coin. Sex is an adventure, a way to make life exciting. An excursion into the unknown. Sex is a risk and a thrill.

Basically, sex is everything we love about life. It’s the excitement and the reward, it’s also the safe place where we come to rest and get energy. Sex is both the source of inspiration and the final destination.

For both men and women, sex is a celebration of life. And while we tend to think that frequent sex is a telltale sign of a healthy relationship, this is not necessarily the case. It’s true that having regular sex has several health benefits. Sex relieves stress, allows you to sleep better and boosts your immune system. But if you and your partner don’t have as much sex as you’re supposed to, don’t panic! That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doomed. I choose to believe that the quality of sex is far more important than the quantity.

Most People Don’t Have the Sex Life of their Dreams

Despite the immense weight men put on sex, a lot of men are generally speaking not good at sex. Or at least not even close to as good as they have the potential to become.

The reason for this is a simple misunderstanding. Men are educated to believe the big lie that we know everything about sex. That it is not necessary to ask about sex, or to educate ourselves. As if living our sexual lives to the fullest was a natural occurrence. The reality is that like any other skill, it can be trained. 

That gap between what sex means to us and our skill level is one of the reasons why men should learn how to have sex.

You Can Learn How to Become a Better Lover

Some men I have talked with have even been baffled by my claim that sex is an area, that just like a skill, is possible to improve. They spend hours on the tennis court working on their backhand but zero minutes studying different fingering techniques.

When it comes to sex, they have a “take it or leave it” approach. The way they make love is something a woman just has to accept. In the same way, she has to accept their hair color and penis shape and everything else they simply can’t change. And in the same way, the way they have sex is something that they themselves just have accepted.

This baffles me.

And yes, I always try to get them to change their perspective because they are missing out on a great opportunity to enrich their sex lives and have much more fun. This great possibility is at their fingertips.

Time to Improve

Men are not usually willing to learn about sex, let alone be told what to do. Our culture demands self-reliance, and when it comes to sex, we are required to take charge of the situation. Above all, that we know about sex.

Most men want to think that they already know what they are doing. They want to think that what they are doing is good enough.

Even if what you are doing is good enough, which frankly speaking, it most likely is.

That is not a reason not to improve, to seek new knowledge, or to try and become the best possible version of yourself. Because I can also tell you that with a bit of knowledge and training, you will be able to give your woman (or any woman) better and more intense erotic experiences. You will be able to bring her to places of immense pleasure and joy.

Doesn’t that sound great?

This is why I believe that men should learn how to have sex and I invite them to join this adventure, which will also be a lot of fun.

Women Want to Be Led

Another reason why it’s so important for men to learn how to have sex is that sex is an area where women still want to be led. Thus, you as a man, have the power to decide if the sex is going to be mind-blowing or just average and easily forgotten. Your ability to take charge and lead, to be creative and passionate, is crucial for the experience both of you have.

You can also guide your wife to let you lose control and let her lead you. Changing the roles you usually play can break the monotony and work as a great erotic stimulant.

A man who is a great lover can take a woman and lead her to more sexual pleasure than she ever had before. And all of you have the potential to become that special man.

I know you want to.

And I want to help you get there.

Women Love Sex

Sex is equally important to women. And yet so many men feel like sex is something that they are trying to get from women. I know this frustration from all the unrequested confessions I have received from men I met. Over dinner, during long plane rides, and even in the supermarket, everywhere men have told me that the woman in their life doesn’t seem to be so interested in sex anymore. Their sadness and frustration are always palpable.

This is indeed a complicated problem because generally speaking, men want more sex than women. This article by Unheard analyses this question more in-depth.

But the solution to this problem is not to look for sex elsewhere, as many men end up doing. Rather, enriching and enhancing the sex life between the two of you… and even if you feel that non-monogamous bonds would suit you better, having good communication regarding each other’s desires and expectations is very important. In fact, sincerity and active transparency is often an interesting spice for desire.

Become an Amazing Lover

One of the solutions instead is to become an amazing lover. And to work on the sex, both on your own skills as well as something you do and try to enhance together with your woman.

This may not save the sex life. But it’s the only way forward. And to be great in bed is something that will serve you in all your intimate relationships with women.

To be able to give a woman more pleasure than she ever has experienced before, will take you away from the mindset that sex is something you are trying to get from her. Instead, you will know that sex is something you are giving to her. And you will know that sex with you is a great gift.

Additionally you will feel fulfilled by mastering sex much more, and feel how much you can enjoy it.

How do You Get There?

To become better at something you have to practice. Think about all those long summer evenings you spent with your friends playing your favorite sport. You practiced a lot. You didn’t want to go home. And for all of us who weren’t sporty, we practiced immensely on our other passions.

But to actually become better, practice alone is not enough. You also have to know how to practice right. Competence leads to confidence. The kind of confidence that women feel drawn to and that will create a deep attraction with the right woman.

I do not recommend you to research or read just any publication. To make your job easier I leave a small selection for you.

Here is a great blog post to get your journey off to a good start: How to Get Better in Bed for Guys. Make sure you read this article also; 5 Sex Tips for Men That Will Take Your Sex Game to The Next Level. And if you really want to advance fast, I recommend The Master Key.

Different Women Need Different Techniques

However, all women are different, so even if you indeed have perfected a couple of methods and techniques, which I’m sure you have. It’s still going to be a journey if you plan to have sex with more women.

There is no “to do” list that works in every situation or with every woman. Enjoy the journey of learning with every encounter.

For every new woman you sleep with you are going to learn new things. Be open to her preferences and keep developing your skills. To satisfy a woman is, at times, a bit tricky. Sometimes we women, don’t know ourselves what we need, or what we like. That’s why men need to learn how to have sex.

An Amazing Journey

If you plan to keep the same woman for the rest of your life, learning how to have sex is equally important. You want to make sure you have a varied repertoire and lots of different techniques that keep both you and your wife amazed and satisfied.

If you want to have a great sex life in your long-term relationship, it’s important that you know how to spice things up. You may have to work even harder on experimenting and learning. And you also need to work together with your woman and have open communication. But do not despair. It’s going to be a fantastic journey full of discoveries and emotions and conversations. Full of mind-blowing sex.

Men should learn how to have sex to make their partner happy. Men should learn how to have sex to make themselves happy. The good news: it’s within your reach. All you have to do is get out of your comfort zone. I assure you it will be worth it!

How to Become Amazing in Bed

Do you want to know the secret of being amazing at sex, to experience the greatest pleasure you’ve ever had in your entire life with your partner?

Sex is a skill, and just like any other skill, it can be improved to perfection. To learn how to give your partner amazing experiences and how to fuck her like she’s never been fucked before, I recommend the ultimate guide to become an amazing lover.

Best of luck,

Federico