How to Get My Wife in The Mood More Often – Ask Olivia

The Question

Hi Olivia! I have a serious problem and there seems to be no way around it. My dream is to get my wife in the mood more often.

Sex is my favorite thing in the whole world. I like everything about it. Fingering. Licking. Thrusting. I love to be hard and to come and then to watch my wife masturbate while I become hard again. And I love to make my wife cum.

I thought my wife was on the same page because the first year we had sex all the time. And I really mean all the time. Sometimes three times a day.

Of course, I realized this couldn’t continue forever (even though I secretly hoped it would). Now it’s been 3 years and the amount of sex we have has been on a steady decline. As a result we are now down to once a week. Not enough for me.

I heard of this phenomenon where people’s desire for each other diminishes until it settles on a comfortable level. The problem is that I don’t feel that way at all.

I Still Want Her As Much as Ever

To me my wife is as attractive as the first day I laid eyes on her. She is so sexy. I want her all the time. It’s hard for me not to think about sex. Even when I’m at work or at the gym, a part of me is always making love to her.

She is such a gorgeous person. “

When I brought up the problem with her, she said that we have a normal sex life and that she is happy with the way things are.

Should I just buy us more weekend trips? (She seems to let loose on those)

Should I start to watch more porn (which I don’t like that much anyway).

Should I take a pill to lower my testosterone?

I refuse to give up on my marriage. My wife is a goddess. Even my mum likes her! But it seems like there is no way out…!?

Thank you for your help. I’m looking forward to your solution on how I can get my wife in the mood more.

Brad

My Answer to How Brad Can Get His Wife in The Mood More Often

Hi Brad!

This is a common problem, although not an easy one to solve. Take a look at all the couples around you. A lot of them consist of two people who don’t have the same sex drive. It’s also actually not only men who want to get their partner in the mood more often.

Different Sex Drives in Numbers

Think about it, everyone walks around with a number above their head, and it’s not the number of people they’ve slept with. It’s the amount of sex they would want to have in a year, if they could choose themselves.

Yours seems to be 730 (two times a day).

Your wife seems to be 52 (once a week).

The above can sound harsh. But I’m sure you and my readers appreciate the truth of a number. Seeing this number can also make you see that it’s not about you, and it’s not about her.

It’s about the difference between the two of you. In this type of situation, it’s easy to get stuck in a feeling of resentment and frustration with the other person. A bitterness that sometimes even leads to infidelity.

According to a survey done by The Irish Times, almost two-thirds of the male respondents (62 percent) said their sex drive was higher than their partner’s.

Hence, you are not alone with this problem.

Changing Who We are

On top of this disparity, the amount of sex we would want is personal and deeply rooted, and frankly, it can be very hard to change. We can try and have more or less sex to satisfy our partner’s needs, but in doing so, we can feel our integrity being trespassed. The risk is that sex becomes another chore rather than something that energizes us and brings us closer. 

There is the possibility that even though your wife is happy with having sex once a week, she also has it within her to enjoy sex more often. Certainly, the time at the beginning of your relationship as well as those weekend trips, speaks for this.

Generally, women’s sexuality is considered more complex than men’s and with a higher connection to their overall emotional state. (Whether this is a biological fact or just a result of upbringing, I can’t say.)

Things to Get Your Wife in The Mood

To get your wife in the mood more often there is a lot of things you can do.

• You can relieve her of stress since stress is one of the most common reasons for a lack of sex drive. Do things that make her life easier. Make sure the house is cleaned, a nice dinner is on the table and her work clothes already are in the washing machine.

• Spend quality time together. Talk a lot. Ask her questions about her day as well as her dreams and hopes. A deep emotional connection is generally a turn-on for a woman. To get your wife in the mood more often, make sure the two of you share your experiences, and are open about both your victories and your sorrows. To allow her to speak about herself makes her feel closer to you. The stronger connection she feels with you, the more likely she is to want to have sex.

Try out New Things to Get Her in The Mood More Often

Additionally, you also need to do some detective work to figure out different things that turn her on, things you are not yet aware of. You might think you already know everything. I can assure you that you don’t.

Figure out things you haven’t done before, things that make her go wild, and then shamelessly take advantage of those. However, be aware of that she might figure out your tactic. Women are smart. When she calls you out on trying to make her horny. Just slyly smile and say; You got me.

To get inspiration on specific things you can try to get her in the mood, check out everything on this website, but especially Joe Nathan’s post: how to spice up your sex in a long-term relationship.

Work on Yourself

As you correctly point out, this is also a part of you that you have to deal with, in part by yourself. Watching porn can be a solution. Other than that, physical activities like boxing or weightlifting are known to take the edge off a high sex drive.

You can also channel all your energy through some sort of hobby. Choose something with an element of a thrill, like climbing or surfing. (This has the added bonus of making you more attractive to your wife.)

Having given you all those ideas about what to do, I also want you to be cautious of the risk with this approach. I don’t want you to be stuck in a mindset where sex is something you are trying to get from your wife. This way of thinking can be toxic to the relationship and lead to bitterness and irritation.

Have An Honest Conversation About your Differences in Mood for Sex

I do think you should bring up the question one more time. Be in a positive mind frame and approach the situation in a calm, non-judgmental way. Be aware of the fact that she probably already knows that you wish to have more sex.

Approach the situation like a puzzle the two of you together have been tasked with solving. Her participation (through kissing for example), while you are masturbating, could be a piece of this puzzle. It’s a method that has worked for many couples. Scheduling sex has worked for others.

Be solution-oriented in this conversation. And absolutely don’t pressure her. Pressure will never get your wife in the mood more often. Remember that it’s frustrating for her also, to not be able to give you what you desire.

Best of Luck

In the end, I also unfortunately must say that if all my advice feels like putting a plaster on a missing limb, it actually may be time to consider walking away. We cannot fundamentally change another person’s sex drive.

Only you can know the truth about which sacrifices are suitable for saving your marriage.

Whatever you choose, good luck, and let me know how it goes.

Olivia

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How to Become Amazing in Bed

Want to know the secret of becoming amazing in bed, to give your woman the best sex she’s had in her whole life?

I’m Joe Nathan, the creator of The Pleasure Keys. Way before I started the website, I learned that sex is a skill, and just like any other skill, it can be improved to perfection.

To learn how to give your woman amazing experiences and how to fuck her like she’s never been fucked before, I recommend my ultimate guide to become an amazing lover.

Best of luck
, Joe

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