How to Have a Successful Threesome – Ask us

Hi Team!

Lately my girlfriend and I have started experimenting a lot. Thanks, Joe Nathan, for all the great sex tips. We especially enjoyed your articles about nipple orgasm and pussy eating positions. And although not a problem for me, some of the techniques in the how to last longer post were actually quite cool to experiment with. Now we are wondering how to have a successful threesome.

We have been together for 3 years and our sex life just keeps getting better. Recently we decided to take it to a new height. We are planning to have a ménage à trois. Or in plain English, a threesome. It’s going to be me, my girlfriend and a female friend of hers. It’s the first threesome for all three of us. Therefore we need a lot of advice.

My Girlfriends Friend

The other woman is someone we both are attracted to. Yes, my girlfriend is bisexual (although, she hasn’t had sex with a woman since we got together). I feel a bit insecure about this part. I’m sure I don’t want to see my girlfriend with another man. That’s just not a turn-on for me.

A woman on the other hand sounds very hot. But I have no idea how I will react when I see them together.

When I play the scenario in my head it seems exciting. But in reality, it might be a totally different story. I might get jealous. Is there any way I can prepare for this?

My girlfriend seems cool with the thought of me sleeping with her friend and excited about sleeping with a woman again.

Give me your best tips, I feel like I really need them!

Ray

My Answer to How to Have a Successful Threesome

Hi Ray!

It sounds like you and your girlfriend are in a great place. Trying out new sexual experiences together with an open-minded partner is a lot of fun. I’m happy you are finding our resources helpful. We are here to please (or at least help you to please). There is definitely a way to go about increasing the chances of an amazing threesome experience.

When raising any sexual topic with your partner, and even more if it will be to venture into practices that we have not done, we must start with good communication, trust, honesty and not judge beforehand. We have the right to share our desires with our partner, which does not imply that our partner must agree to participate in them. Like everything else, it is a matter of sharing, not demanding, and learning to reach agreements and common ground. these are crucial parts of a great experience.

A lot of the important work regarding how to have a successful threesome is going to be done beforehand. As with other sexual adventures, communication and honesty are crucial parts of a great experience.

Talk About Your Threesome Expectations

On top of your question regarding how to have a successful threesome, you have already asked yourself a couple of other more specific questions. I would continue with this approach. Discuss the different questions and answers that come up with your girlfriend. When you think you have talked enough about your threesome, talk some more.

As I’m sure you realize, it’s one thing to fantasize about a threesome. It’s a common sexual fantasy (according to this article, it’s something 89 percent of all people fantasize about).

First of all you have to differentiate between desire and fantasy. You can fantasize about having a threesome and in your mind you can have it with and how you want to enjoy it. As a fantasy, you can enjoy it alone or share it, because a fantasy does not necessarily have to want to be put into practice. However, if what you have is a desire, it means that you would want it to happen, and then the framework is quite different. So, if your case is desire, you can start by communicating it to your partner.

However, you should know that it is quite another thing to watch it unfold before your eyes. What we think is hot in fantasy is not always hot in reality. With this little disclaimer, I definitely think you should try it out if you feel comfortable and excited by the thought.

If it turns out you don’t like threesomes, (or didn’t like this particular threesome), at least you have tried. A threesome, just like normal sex can be great at times, and a little bit less great at other times.

A Unicorn

Also, take some time and think about the experience from the other woman’s perspective. What makes her want to join you? How will she feel safe and appreciated? How can you ensure that the threesome is successful for her as well?

The answers to those questions also explain why a third partner often is called a unicorn. Aka, something hard, almost impossible, to find. To have a threesome, you have to find someone you are both attracted to, and that person has to be excited about the thought of being your third, your unicorn.

All persons who are to be involved in the threesome must desire it. This seems obvious, but it must be explicit. No one should do it coerced, fearful, reluctant or afraid. Also, if you are going to have a threesome with your partner, you should find a third person that you both like.

Consider the Other Woman

Be aware that for a unicorn the threesome is a sexual encounter, something they do to satisfy their fantasies and desires. They probably just don’t want to be regarded as your sex toy. (Being someone’s sex toy can be hot in a different situation for sure, but it has to be discussed beforehand).

The most common complaint from unicorns is that they feel like they were just there to satisfy a sexual fantasy, not as a person with their own personality and desires. Thus, the woman you have invited, also needs tenderness, care, and respect.

Questions to Talk About Before the Threesome

Regarding what questions you should discuss with your girlfriend, here are some ideas:

• Do the two of you have the same fantasy? A threesome is a wide definition of a sexual act; this act can include a lot of different forms of sexual activities. Play out the scenario together.
• How much kissing should be involved?
• Which positions would you like to try out? Be concrete about your fantasies. The more concrete you and your girlfriend are, the more you will understand each other’s expectations, and the more likely it is that your threesome will be successful.

Threesomes can help some couples renew their sex lives while taking pressure off them to perform a certain way. Consider also that they open up the conversation about each other’s sexual needs and create an avenue for meeting those needs, all of which may ultimately bring the couple closer together.

Know each other’s Boundaries

Also make sure you talk about your boundaries. Are there certain things you don’t want your girlfriend to be doing with the other woman? Are there certain things she doesn’t want you to be doing?

Make sure you talk about what should happen if one of you doesn’t like what’s happening. You can have a signal between the two of you that means you are uncomfortable and should stop.

More Tips to Ensure a Successful Threesome

My second tip would be to spend some time together, the three of you, prior to the threesome. Have dinner either in your home or at a restaurant. This can be done a couple of days before, or the same night you are planning to have the threesome. This way, you can check out the dynamics between the three of you and simply get to know each other a bit better.

However, not everyone would subscribe to this strategy. Some couples prefer a more impersonal threesome and that’s not a bad thing, as long as it’s agreed upon with your partner and not an assumption. But since you have mentioned that she is a friend, I would treat this experience a bit more like a hook-up date. The difference is that you and your girlfriend do it together. It’s the two of you hooking up with a third person.

During dinner, take your time and talk about expectations and limitations. Explain that if at any point sex stops feeling fun and right, you can stop. Also, if there is something you agreed to do beforehand but, even so, when it comes time to do it, you are not satisfied or dissatisfied, you can stop without any problems.

Decide the Location

Another thing to consider is the exact location. Many couples chose to rent a hotel room for the event. This approach can make the whole experience feel more like a sexual adventure outside the boundary of your home.

Other couples prefer the safety and comfort of their own home. Discuss which one you prefer. Also discuss if your third should stay the night. Regardless of what you decide regarding spending the night, it’s a good idea to go somewhere else afterward. A place where the three of you can unwind and connect.

Deciding on the location will allow the parties involved to feel freer and more comfortable, which is essential for enjoyment and relaxation.

Rules Regarding Cuming

Another important thing that’s good to talk about and decide, is if you should be allowed to come in the other woman. For a lot of people, this is a particularly intimate experience. And it can be hard to watch for your girlfriend, even if she is not jealous.

Generally, I would recommend against it, since it’s the first time for all of you. You should, of course, also make sure you have planned how to keep everyone safe when it comes to STDs. Bring more condoms than you think you will need.

Rules About Sex Toys

If you decide to use erotic toys to experiment even more during the practice, keep in mind that they must be clean both before and after the practice. If you exchange toys during intercourse, make sure they are also clean during intercourse, for example, by changing the condom.

How to Behave During the Threesome

So how do you behave during a successful threesome? If both of you, and the unicorn, are open to the idea, you can start out by having a cuddle and kissing session. Then take it slowly from there to a more naked and sexual experience.

During the threesome it’s important that everyone feel included. Spend equal time making both your partner and the unicorn receive sexual attention and feel appreciated. Keep the communication going during the sex. Check-in so that all of you feel okay with how the situation develops.

For some people gazing is a necessity during intercourse, so be sure to maintain that connection if either person has previously clarified its importance.

A good tip for you as a man can be to let the two women lead. This way you ensure that the two of them feel happy and excited about what’s happening.

Pay Attention to Both

Be as giving as possible. This is true when you have sex with one person as well as with two. If you make sure they are getting excited they will pay back the favor and work hard to get you equally excited.

Be especially careful so that you don’t favor one over another. The most common downfall of a threesome is that someone becomes the star of the show and someone else feels left out.

Have Fun

Don’t forget to have fun. Three people instead of two means more body parts, more mouths, and more body fluids. All good things, as long as you can handle the situation with a relaxed approach.

Changing positions with two people doesn’t always move seamlessly, with three people it can be even more awkward. Don’t try to fight this aspect. Just keep the atmosphere open and fun.

As a final note, sex between more than two people is something that a lot of people fantasize about. And being with two women is a particularly common fantasy among men. While some people claim that the fantasy is better than the reality. There are also plenty of people saying that a threesome done right, is an amazing experience. So make sure to go into the situation with an open mind.

Talking After The Encounter

It is necessary that after the adventure, you take a moment as a couple to review the experience. Tell each other how you felt, what you did not feel very comfortable with, what gave you the most pleasure, if any particular issue made you jealous, if you met your expectations, and finally, if you would experience it again.

Best of luck. And please send me an email and let me know how it went. I love hearing about how sexy fantasies develop in real life.

Federico

How to Become Amazing in Bed

Do you want to know the secret of being amazing at sex, to experience the greatest pleasure you’ve ever had in your entire life with your partner?

Sex is a skill, and just like any other skill, it can be improved to perfection. To learn how to give your partner amazing experiences and how to fuck her like she’s never been fucked before, I recommend the ultimate guide to become an amazing lover.

Good luck!

Joe.