I Suspect My Wife is Having an Emotional Affair

Hi !

My wife and I have been together for 6 years. Everything used to be great between us. But lately, she has been cold and distant, and now I suspect my wife is having an emotional affair.

To give you a bit of background: In the beginning, we did everything together. We went to the gym, cooked huge dinners, and hung out with friends and family.

Well, that was years ago. Nowadays we are more like roommates, passing each other in the hallway and eating takeaway in front of Netflix. I don’t feel connected to her at all. All those fun things we used to do, we never do them anymore.

Part of the story is that she went back to college to get a second degree. Now she is both working full-time and studying. I know she is very busy, and I respect her ambitions.

Despite this, I still feel there should be time for us to connect, even if it’s just a couple of hours every week.

Why I Suspect She Has an Emotional Affair

She is secretive about her phone. I know she receives messages, but she never refers back to them. She pretends that ping on her phone never happened. Sometimes when she’s been on the phone, she doesn’t want to tell me who was at the other end.

I know she has a friend, from way back. I think he is the one she is in contact with. He lives in another country, so that’s why I don’t think any physical has happened yet. But it’s obvious she is more interested in him than in me.

And the Sex is Bad

We rarely have sex, and this is a big problem. She used to be crazy about me and wanted sex all the time. Now I consider myself lucky if we have sex once a week. And to be honest, the sex we do have is never particularly good.

That’s why I started reading Joe Nathans’s blog. I was hoping to impress her with my new skills. But for this to work, I also need some advice regarding the other stuff. How can I overcome the distance between us?

As you can tell, I desperately need your help. She is my wife, but I feel like I’m losing her.

How do I win her back?

Javier

My Answer to I Suspect My Wife is Having an Emotional Affair

Hi Javier!

What you are describing sounds very tough. To suspect your wife of having an emotional affair is an agonizing experience. To have your relationship go from close and intimate to one where you feel like your emotional, and sexual needs are not being met, is a terrible experience.

You can use various strategies to reduce the emotional distance between you and your partner. First, it is important to communicate openly and honestly. Frankly sharing your feelings and voicing your concerns can help deepen your relationship and increase understanding. In this communication process, it is also critical to respect and listen to mutual feelings.

Taking time is also very valuable. The fact that you both have busy lifestyles does not, however, prevent you from making time to devote time to your relationship. One day or a few hours a week can be set aside just to care for and connect with each other. This time can contribute to the revitalization of your relationship and strengthening your emotional bond.

It is also important to rediscover common interests. Remembering the activities you used to enjoy together and discovering new interests can make the time you spend together more enjoyable. Activities such as exercising, going for a walk in nature, taking up a new hobby together, or simply reading a book together can help revitalize your relationship.

Understanding the stress and pressure your partner is experiencing is also critical. Life changes, such as returning to university and work, can put a lot of pressure on him. Trying to understand her feelings, empathize and support can help your relationship sit on a stronger ground.

Finally, it is important to consider seeking professional support from a relationship counselor when necessary. Getting support from a professional can help you address your relationship challenges more effectively and improve your communication skills. Remember that constant development and understanding is important in relationships, and it is important to be patient and work together in this process.

The Main Signs of an Emotional Affair

Here are 5 signs that someone is having an emotional affair:

• Secrecy and Cover-Up: The people involved tend to keep their phones private.
• Loss of Priority: A relationship that no longer feels like a priority may have declined emotionally.
• Decrease in Sexual Intimacy: A decrease in sexual life within a relationship or a decrease in its quality may indicate problems in the relationship.
• Emotional Withdrawal: The partner’s emotional withdrawal may indicate problems in communication.
• Jealousy and Anxiety: Even people who are not normally jealous may develop feelings of jealousy due to possible mistakes or concerns in a particular relationship.

Sounds like they all fit very well with what you experience, right?

But before you start playing the amateur detective, I want to warn you about this way of thinking. You don’t know what the truth is. I certainly can’t tell you if your wife is having an emotional affair or not.

An Indicator of Your Situation in the Relationship

Suspecting that your wife is having an affair may stem from the emotional distance in the relationship and your observations based on the information you have gathered. In this process, the brain can evaluate the current situation and reach possible conclusions. In this case, you may be correct; The texts and phone calls may have come from another person, and that person may be someone who is more responsive to your wife’s emotional needs.

However, the possibility that your wife is just with a friend should not be ignored. If your wife is busy or acting disinterested, this may indicate that there may be other reasons to explain the situation. Ultimately, suspecting your wife of having an affair is a reflection of feeling like your needs are not being met, and it’s important to have open and honest communication about this situation.

A Serious Talk

You have to talk to her. But don’t confront her about your suspicion regarding the fact that you suspect she is having an emotional affair. If it’s not true, that angle will hurt more than it helps.

Instead, be vulnerable. Tell her what you just told me. Tell her all the things you think are great about her. And confront her about not feeling as close to her as you would want to do. This approach is much more likely to make her open up and talk about what’s going on.

Be Prepared

Make sure this talk is a really serious talk. Sit her down. Prepare snacks or dinner so that you are not doing the work while hungry. You might feel too sick to eat. Try anyway. We often shy away from serious talk because we are afraid of what we are going to find out. But to save the relationship, you have to be brave.

Write down a couple of things in advance that you want to tell her. Make her understand exactly how grave the situation is, but also don’t accuse her. The success will depend on how vulnerable you are. Make sure you are open to actually hearing what she has to say. Some of the things she tells you may come as a surprise.

What Not to Do

Often when we feel neglected in a relationship, we resort to nagging or quietness or vocalizing our needs in a passive-aggressive way, or another similar strategy. What all those strategies have in common is that they are a form of revenge.

Behaviors to avoid in the relationship healing process represent potential pitfalls that can lead to deeper problems in the relationship. First, blame and criticism can create a negative cycle in communication and cause the partner to withdraw emotionally. Accusations put the other party on the defensive and can create a barrier in communication.

Second, ignoring or downplaying emotions can cause the partner to feel worthless and lose trust. The relationship should be built on mutual understanding and empathy; Therefore, respecting and caring about the partner’s feelings strengthens the relationship.

Third, manipulative behavior can lead to a lack of trust and transparency in the relationship. When one partner tries to use the other for their own purposes, it can create a deep sense of distrust in the relationship.

Become a Better Version of Yourself

With this in mind, there are a couple of strategies you can use in addition to serious talk. Think back to the time when you first meet. What kind of person were you? If you, along the way, have given up on friends and passions, something that easily happens when we start a relationship, make a point of vitalizing those friendships and passions.

“Being Yourself” means that individuals focus on their personal development and that these developments contribute positively to relationship dynamics. This involves individuals developing healthier communication skills and better understanding themselves by increasing their emotional maturity levels. Individuals begin to better understand their own values and priorities by setting personal goals and working towards these goals. This process helps increase self-esteem and self-confidence and therefore establish healthier boundaries in relationships.

Additionally, individuals discovering common interests and growing together during the process of self-improvement can also strengthen the relationship. This approach ensures that healthy and balanced relationship dynamics are maintained while encouraging individuals to support each other and mature together.

Bring Your Wife Along

On top of this, think about a couple of fun activities, new ones, or things you used to do together, suggest them to your wife, and see if she wants to come along. If she says no, accept this without resentment. Just put the possibility for the two of you to do fun things out there.

Do also use the different sex tips and techniques Joe Nathan brings to the table. Here is an article he just wrote about how to spice up your sex life. Make sure you read it. A great sex life is indeed a place of healing for two people that lost each other somewhere along the way. Sex is a way to reconnect with your partner and deepen the bond the two of you share.

Also, turn off Netflix. If this means the two of you sit together and eat in complete quietness, this is still better than watching series day out and day in.

In Case All of The Above Doesn’t Work

If serious communication and effort combined with other strategies do not yield results, it is important to face the facts. Having two parties in a relationship means that both parties must contribute. If one party leaves, the other party cannot maintain the relationship alone. Accepting this fact can be painful, but it is important for managing the relationship in a healthy and sustainable way.

By setting a specific time period, you can provide an opportunity to resolve problems in the relationship. However, if a common solution cannot be reached during this time and the necessary changes are not made in the relationship, it may be important to reconsider such a difficult decision as separation. For a relationship to be healthy and mutually satisfying, it requires meeting the emotional needs of both parties.

If you have doubts about your partner’s emotional connections or needs and a solution cannot be found, there may be no basis for continuing the relationship.

Best of luck

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